Shocktoberfest 2017! Day Four: Curtains

Curtains (1983)

Written by Robert Guza Jr. / Directed by Richard Ciupka

TFW all the good Halloween costumes at Party City were already taken.

TFW all the good Halloween costumes at Party City were already taken.

Let's be honest.  Slasher films typically aren't that scary.  I don't mean that as an insult, but slasher films are kind of like the action movies of the horror genre.  Their appeal isn't usually a sense of dread or terror, but a morbid fascination with seeing which insufferable character will meet the killer next, each death gorier than the next, not that there's anything wrong with that.  Of course there are the pioneers and the legends of the genre as a shining example to prove me wrong.  There are plenty of Freddys, Jasons, and Michael Myers out there, but there's also plenty of movies like Curtains: a Z-Grade movie with delusions of A-Grade grandeur.  Curtains wastes no time setting up the pins it will be gradually knocking down, gathering together six eager actress types inside a creepy mansion at the top of a snowy mountain range, each with their own generic stereotype as their one character trait.  This movie is a Slasher-By-Numbers movie even when it thinks its on the same level as a movie like Suspiria.  The lofty ambitions it never reaches does keep it entertaining.  It's hard to judge the film on a visual level when the transfer I watched was so godawful.  At times it's impossible to see what's going on or who's doing what through the digital haze.  There is an amusing game to play throughout the movie which is "when does the cameraman or boom operator start to fall asleep?" as there are multiple shots in which the tops of sets are revealed or the boom mic starts to lazily drift into the top of the frame.  The film does create a few great moments of atmospheric horror, particularly through the mask the killer uses and a final sequence that oddly takes place inside a prop storage room that seemingly comes out of nowhere.  Curtains perfectly represents the cinematic version of its six actress characters.  Each one has high hopes and lofty dreams of reaching the top, even though compared to everyone else out there, it'll never make the cut.

Two out of Five Severed Heads in a Fake Toilet

Shocktoberfest 2017! Day Three: The Oblong Box

The Oblong Box (1969)

Written by Lawrence Huntington / Directed by Gordon Hessler

Just a typical Saturday afternoon for Vincent Price.

Just a typical Saturday afternoon for Vincent Price.

What would a Shocktoberfest be without at least one Vincent Price film?  The late, great horror legend practically embodies everything wonderful about the spirit of horror movies, movies that are meant to be watched during the days of October.  There's nothing like a Vincent Price movie to put you in the spirit of Halloween.  There seems to be a trend in my 2017 viewings with feature films based on short stories, two of them being Edgar Allan Poe stories so far.  The Black Cat seems to be the only one so far that was best able to pull off turning a short story into a feature length film, simply using the basic premise of the story as a jumping off point for something much stranger.  The Oblong Box makes a similar mistake as most short story adaptations by trying too hard to add subplots and silly mysteries to a perfectly good creepy little tale about a man wrongfully buried alive and seeking revenge.  Even so, the film is still good, mostly due to Vincent Price's ability to elevate any film he starred in, as well as a wonderful supporting role from Christopher Lee.  There's also something elegant about the workmanship of most 60's Edgar Allan Poe adaptations making them seem much more artfully crafted than they probably were.  Through low budget constraints, the film finds clever ways through visual language to do things like hide the face of the deformed brother.  It's impossible to say no to a Vincent Price film.  Even the films where the people behind the camera seem disinterested, Price never does.

Three out of Five Deadly Paper Cut Throat Slits

Shocktoberfest 2017! Day Two: The Midnight Meat Train

The Midnight Meat Train (2008)

Written by Jeff Buhler / Directed by Ryuhei Kitamura

Broodley Cooper

Broodley Cooper

Unfortunately on the day of this entry, the world is in a dark, sad place, so much so, that I even felt guilty about writing a post for today.  But I believe that stories and movies in particular are cathartic and are meant especially for dark times like these.  They can be mirrors to the world around us, or they can be windows into another one, serving as a brief escape to keep us from going crazy.  Even a movie with as twisted and as bizarre of a sensibility as The Midnight Meat Train can be a cathartic form of escapism.  Midnight Meat Train certainly is twisted, and it certainly is bizarre, but it takes a little while to get there.  Just like The Black CatMidnight Meat Train is very loosely based on a short story by a horror legend, in this case, Clive Barker.  The film does its best to flesh out the simple premise of the original short story, which is probably its biggest misstep, causing the first half of the film to play out like a Twilight Zone episode directed by an alternate dimension Alfred Hitchcock who specialized in making nu-metal music videos.  Pre-Fame Bradley Cooper plays a struggling photographer in New York who is obsessed with finding the gritty underbelly of the city he lives in.  When his midnight strolls lead him to discover a possibly murderous butcher played by Vinnie Jones, Mr. Cooper takes a sharp left turn from Normal Guy Highway onto Crazy Conspiracy Nutjob Road and it's only downhill from there.  Ryuhei Kitamura has a fascinating visual eye and creates some genuinely dreamy atmospheres, although they're hampered down by early 2000's "edgy" editing.  The screenplay is absurdly silly, and that only starts to work in the movie's favor after it throws off the shackles of trying to make everything make sense and just embraces the batshit insanity of Barker's world.  In the end, it's a fun ride. The end destination is worth the trip, even if there are too many stops along the way.

Three out of Five Surprise Ted Raimi Cameos

Shocktoberfest 2017! Day One: The Black Cat

The Black Cat (1981)

Written by Lucio Fulci and Biagio Proietti / Directed by Lucio Fulci

Aww!  He wants to kill me!

Aww!  He wants to kill me!

Lucio Fulci’s The Black Cat may not necessarily be scary, but it’s still delightfully gothic enough to still be horror.  Very loosely based on the Edgar Allan Poe short story, the film mostly revolves around a series of murders in a small Italian town that are being committed by a supernatural (and adorable) black cat.  As with all Fulci films, the film is constantly in a state of deliriously heightened cinematic style, making it a delight to watch.  From extreme close ups of characters’ eyes reacting in terror to POV shots of the evil cat roaming through the streets, every shot feels deliberate and unique.  When you watch a Lucio Fulci movie, you’re not watching for the substance, you’re watching for the style, and that style delivers throughout The Black Cat, only starting to drag near the last 15 minutes of the film, but even then, there’s still something to enjoy about what Fulci is doing.

Four out of Five Adorable Murder Kitties